Wednesday, November 26, 2014

How to be a good neighbor (and respect people living below you)

  • Do laundry 2-3 times a week. Make sure to only start loads between the hours of 9 PM and 2 AM since nobody will notice.
  • Buy a large dog. Keep it inside at all times. Open the window so that it can greet all passers by.
  • Offset the increase in soiled rugs and furniture by doing an extra 1-2 loads of laundry a week because of dog.
  • Remove all of the carpeting in your house to prevent future soiling by animal(s). Install low-cost hardwood flooring. Walk around proudly and often every day, reminding yourself of this brilliant solution.
  • Save money with smart DIY projects. Don't bother getting HOA approval, city permits, or worrying about things like insulation. Heat rises.
  • Use only the finest lightweight plastic containers for all your potted goods, so that no harm is done when they fall to lower levels. Save huge on pottery by leaving plants in the containers they are sold in, pushing them off of your ledge when they expire.
  • Join the Home Owner's Association board. Be sure to use your newly acquired oversight and power to keep your unit in top shape, and improve the landscaping around your entryway. Shield yourself from complaints and disputes with the entity that is the HOA.
  • Maintain privacy, autonomy, and avoid the annoyance of your neighbors by demonstrating erratic behavior. Sleep during the day so that the normal activities of your neighbors do not bother you.

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